The Joy of Cooking

               ( Apparently this never posted.... from November....)

        So it might just be the fact that I have a nutritionist for a mother, but my life seems to be this vicious cycle between wanting to cook things that will clog your arteries in a minute and knowing that they're bad for you and feeling guilty about thinking about making them. As most people might know about me, I love cooking and baking. If I hadn't been told college was a nonnegotiable, I most likely would have gone to culinary school and aspired to by the next Giada de Laurentiis. When I cook, I feel like everything is right in the world. I feel like I can be creative and express a side of me that most people don't get to see. To those who don't enjoy cooking, that sounds like the biggest cornball statement of them all. But to those who DO enjoy being in the kitchen, it makes total sense. I love that you can travel the world with just a few ingredients and a stove. I love looking into a pantry full of ingredients and having my brain whirl with culinary ideas. I love the smell of baked goods and the magnetic effect it has on all ages.
      Any emotion can be expressed through a product of the kitchen. On my bad days, the kitchen is filled with fried foods and butter- cream of this combined with cheesy goodness baked to perfection over chicken with crispy onions on top. My comfort food is carbs. There is also most likely a very large glass of wine in my hand. On good days, I love to experiment with new flavors and techniques. I make lots of spicy foods and love working with citrus- ironic because my dad hates everything about both of those things! On these days, there is also most likely a very large glass of wine in my hand. I feel like it just completes my process in some twisted way. On both good and bad days, there is almost always a baked good in the oven.
       There is a sense of stability in baking that counterbalances the freedom and creative license of cooking. In one way, its comforting to know that everything is already planned out for you. If you follow all of these steps exactly and do not deviate, it will come out like you're expecting. If only life were that way sometimes. There is a rush in baking something new and exciting. You're on edge measuring out ingredients and keeping a hawk eye on the finishing product in the oven. But maybe that's just me. With cooking comes a sense of adventure and intrigue. I don't believe in measuring cups when I'm cooking- I'm all about the eyeball. I have a very good mind for remembering the ingredients and steps in a recipe but not so much for the numerical portions of it all. So maybe my haphazard eyeball measuring is actually just a coping mechanism for my mathematical failures.  Although I may be lax in my measurement of ingredients, I'm more than a little serious about presentation. I like things to look nice because it shows pride in your work and respect for the people you made it for. So for goodness sake- get some flowers and linen napkins and call it a night. 
       My absolute favorite part of being in the kitchen though, is being there with other people. I love when people sit at the island and just talk to me. Make me laugh while I'm cutting onions, cry while I'm mincing garlic, and ponder universal mysteries while tempering chocolate. Because making food and physical touch are how I SHOW love, if I make food for you, you're probably a big deal. I love cooking because it shows a side of me that people don't generally get to see. In the kitchen, I'm completely in my element. I dance around the kitchen and sing into wooden spoons like I'm on American Idol. I talk to my brothers like I'm on a cooking show and in my mind, am a perfect mix of Giada, Sandra, and Ina. I put love into my food that, although I don't mean to toot my own horn, comes out pretty damn good.  I'm excited for the day when I have a husband and nuggets to cook for- my own family to share my love of culinary creations with. My kitchen will be an axis on which my little world and home rotate. It will be a place of both significant and insignificant moments. There will be curses uttered when I underestimate how hot that pan is and radiant smiles when I pull out that first Thanksgiving turkey. Whether its 2 or 5 years from now, I will still cook for those I love and put every piece of my heart into a plate of goodness to share with others.