Selfishness

Last night as I laid awake thinking about life and what I’m doing with it, I was thinking about all the people the Lord has put in my life. The good and the bad. I started thinking about my philosophy class and how on one hot, muggy, July morning, I got into a heated argument with my professor about whether or not people are capable of making a self-less decision. His argument was valid- he was saying that if we followed the logical progression of my argument, we wouldn't be able to say that, at the core of it all, humanity was good.  We weren't bringing God or religion into the argument so neither he nor I could use the argument that everything God creates is good and so therefore humanity must be good. From my own jaded point of view, I counteracted his arguments of self-sacrifice with that of eternal guilt. What if that person hadn't jumped in front of the train to save the other person? If they didn't  they would live forever with the guilt of knowing that they should have. We do things because we have to. We have to be self-less because it we’re not, we live with the nagging guilt. After this argument came to a close, he laughed and suggested that I had chosen the wrong major. He offered to write a letter of recommendation to the business department.  

Major switching aside, I hadn't thought about this argument since that day. I inevitably went back to the house, went for a run, and forgot all about it. I had forgotten all about how I had just convinced myself that, at the core, I was selfish. I had convinced myself that there was no hope for humanity- until last night. I was laying there thinking about all the people in my life and whether or not I could convince myself that every single one of them was bad. What applies to one must apply to all. How can I say that people like Mother Teresa were selfish to their very core? I know that if I tried hard enough, I could logically work my way there. I could make arguments for her guilt like the man in front of the train. I could make arguments that she did what she did because it’s what Christ told us was going to get us to heaven- service of those less fortunate.

But why would I want to do that?

Why would I want to spend the rest of my life believing that people are bad? I guess for one, it could make me appreciate the good people more. If we’re stilling assuming that my belief in ‘bad people’ is true, the good people are actually completely overcoming their nature and giving themselves to others knowing that it probably won’t be reciprocated. Now THAT is beautiful. Truth be told, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life thinking that people are selfish and bad. I want to believe that people are good. I want to believe that we are good people who make bad decisions. I want to believe that there is such a thing as self-less love. I want to believe that people can actually be in your life without there being some kind of ulterior motive. I want to believe that we can change our impulses and make them towards the good. I want to believe that people can truly want the best for other people without concern for what it will get them.

But I guess this is another occasion of fake it till you make it. If I continue to walk around with a chip in my shoulder about those people in my life who I had deemed 'bad', I'll always see them and people like the as 'bad'. If I approach people with the hope of goodness, maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.